Pass the Astroglide

Spread the Word

Ooh, now let’s get down tonight/Baby I’m hot just like an oven/I need some lovin’/And baby, I can’t hold it much longer/It’s getting stronger and stronger/And when I get that feeling/I want Sexual Healing”

Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye

Ok – I figured it out. I figured out how to solve all the world’s problems, spread peace across the universe, fix the hole in the ozone layer, and equalize our amazingly fucked up tax system.

Take a deep breath, this is some pretty serious shit I’m about to drop. Serious enough that I’m sure at least half of you reading this (interpret that to mean all my republican/conservative friends) are not going to like this. What the world needs now is more sex.

Not just sex though – fucking. Unadulterated, unabashed, gooey, sweaty, delicious taste of tongue licking skin, pinching nipples, nibbling ears and hands and feet and eyes and every sensory organ tuned into to the moment.

Of sweaty bodies slapping against each other, of synchronized breathing … moaning and simultaneous orgasms, multiple times over multiple hours of lovemaking –  the kind of sex that leaves a smile on your face for at least a few days assuming you’re not one of those people who is afraid of their body and the glorious wonders of sex.

What I’m not talking about is the standard missionary position, or one rolling over and going to sleep right after or any and all of the hang ups our puritanical culture seems to regard against consenting adults of two, three or a party connecting.

‘Cause that’s what we’re missing. In these days of Facebook official and sexting and steamy little love notes written on the digital chalk board or missionary sex done just to satisfy some limbic brain function – that human connection, that linkage to something and someone else that is so damned important for all us.

That moment of trust when in a compromising position you throw yourself into the loving, trusting arms of your partner, the unspoken “Don’t hurt me,” keen in each others eyes – another connection. It is so hard to be angry at someone when you’re inside them and they in you, connecting in a way the gods always intended us to.

And the more sex you have, the less you care about the sex everyone else is having. The less you’re going to be hung up on being gay or into anal or liking lubricant or toys. The more sex you have the more at ease we all are, the more that feeling of sexual endorphins exploding through our veins we can capture the more the “how much I hate you” and “you’re the cause of all my problems” you’re going to feel.

So get out there, fuck a stranger, fuck a friend, fuck a long-time lover, get out there and make another human connection. And by doing so connecting all of us into one great mana-field of sexual energy that can finally move us past all this bullshit we’re all so beholden to. At least try it – what have you got to lose? Worst case scenario, you can say you got laid.

Someone pass the Astroglide please!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *