“They cry in the dark, so you can’t see their tears/They hide in the light, so you can’t see their fears/Forgive and forget, all the while/Love and pain become one and the same/In the eyes of a wounded child/Because hell/Hell is for children”
“Hell is for Children” – Pat Benatar
So the truth of the matter is, I’m angry and my anger is leveled square at you. It’s a debilitating anger, an anger that I can’t really talk about with anyone. An anger that no one understands – not anyone near or close to me or hell, anyone far away for that matter.
It shades and influences so much of me, little things become big, nothing is ever small no matter how well I disguise it – that anger is always there, simmering under the surface just waiting for the smallest thing to cause an eruption.
People tell me I overreact. They’re probably right, but they’re not listening either.
I can’t place all of my problems at your feet, but you, you’ve done some damage.
It’s hard to quantify. Wait a minute, no its not — you pretty much destroyed me. Where there was confidence, there’s now doubt. Where there was trust, there’s now questioning. Where there was spirit and light, there’s now just a slow-burn ember.
You, so full of mistakes and wrong doings questioned me at every step of the way … and now I can’t stand being second-guessed. You perverted what should have been normal and twisted it into something horrible, denigrating and knocking a man to his core.
You have made it so I can’t feel right or normal in any relationship.
Let me be clear, I take most of it – I let it happen, I allowed it to happen. I had my reasons and I felt them noble at the time, but the man you initially got with is not the man who walks this Earth these days bearing my name. You beat me down, you wore me thin, you whittled me away till there was damn near nothing left – just enough to say enough.
I spent eight years solving the problems you made, fixing the mistakes you wrought. And I foolishly thought when I finally found it within me to walk away from you I would be done with you.
But no, you just transferred all your bull shit you dumped on to me, you know dump onto our son.
So now, instead of fixing the monetary problems, the relationship problems and all the manners of hell you brought forth, I’m still working against you. But the stakes now are so much higher – our son.
I could go on. I could continue this for words upon words upon words. But I’ll end with this – game on; you will not fuck him up like you did me, I won’t allow it. Every second I’m away from you, I’m getting more of me back.
And me … is angry.